Grief comes in many forms and, I think it’s something that humans don’t realize we are doing in some way every moment of our lives. How can we not grieve when living life is hard and the experience of so much loss.
I’ve heard many times that we can’t escape our problems... that no matter where we go, we take our problems with us. While that is partially true, the problem with telling people that is that it gives the illusion that we may as well stay still or stagnant and that there’s no hope.
My truth is that moving somewhere peaceful has given me the internal space I need to grieve what I’ve needed to grieve for years and, with that grieving, it’s cleared room for me to more clearly see why some things and relationships aren’t working in my life. The grieving is making space for the life I want to live and for the people that I want to embrace.
Grieving can take a lifetime and often one grief leads us to another grief. The anger that our world is constantly in is grief. We are willing to stand up and fight for something, but we’re not willing to sit in what is really our grief.
Our world tells us to deny our feelings and doesn’t teach us how to delve into our feelings and express in a healthy way. Instead, even in 2021, some teach that repression and dissociation is enlightenment... all because it’s uncomfortable for some to feel.
Yes, take your problems with you and find a place that allows you to feel. Safety creates the space we need inside for things to start moving instead of being so full that nothing can move.
In this space, I can now see why relationships of my past didn’t work and I can now understand the few that do work and why.
I see the “motherly” people in my life and the control they’ve wanted from me... just like my mom did. I no longer have the desire for motherly people in my life, and I now see them so clearly... the ones who constantly proclaim they are the heroes. I now understand that those who do work in my life are my friends... not a controlling mother who wants me to rescue them and then have no need for me.
If someone in your life constantly has you on a rollercoaster and you feel a “pull” you can’t seem to resist, I encourage you to explore that. Healthy relationships shouldn’t be constant rollercoaster rides filled with mostly sadness.
To grieve we sometimes must be opened wide. To grieve, opens way for understanding of what we do want in our life. Grief makes way for knowing that we do deserve what we want and helps us to clearly see it. Grief makes room for trusting ourselves in making that happen.
Make time to grieve. Create the space you need to grieve and do it in your own beautiful way. There is no right way. There is no wrong way. There is no perfect timing. And, most of the time, there is no finite end to your grief.
To grieve, you don’t have to understand it. Grief doesn’t have to make sense (and rarely does). Grief is feeling and just allowing those feelings to be what they are. I know feelings feel like they will last forever, but feelings will move (and sometimes take us back to another level of the same emotions).
Grief requires our space and support... just sitting and being with it. Above all, grief needs our safety.
Move, my dear friends, in what ever way you need to move. And then sit and allow the movement to take you where it takes you.
—Lisa Pratt, April 2021
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