Life... whew... now there’s an amazingly wonderful and difficult thing. To survive this thing called life, we often develop beliefs, signs, superstitions, look for reasons, or ways to cope in order for us to feel more secure, comfortable, hopeful, resilient, in control, and generally sane in a (many times) insane environment.
Our world generally demands that we be willing to change in a moments notice. Easier said than done. As humans, we generally teach to deny any feelings or sensations that cause us discomfort which can add to the difficulty of “going with life’s flow”. To be able to go with life’s flow, (as someone stated today) our endurance becomes about enduring. The more we allow ourselves to feel the pleasant and the unpleasant, the easier it becomes to flow.
In the flow of life, there are those magical times when everything easily falls into place and every question we pose seems to have an immediate answer. Of course, within life’s flow there are many times of waiting with no signs of change or an answer... the waiting can seem endless and requires a lot of faith that pieces are coming together somewhere out there. No matter what, when I pose a question an answer always arrives... even if it’s not the answer that I want.
Over the past few months, I’ve taken a look at who I am and who I want in my life. As I get older, my need-to-be-needed and my narcissistic need to be a hero has changed, and that means relationships must change too.
With my desire for change, it’s strange to me that I’ve done a lot of grieving during the past month. Sometimes when we let life’s flow happen, grief is our answer.
One thing I think we can always count on in life is change... sometimes quickly... especially in relationships.
Yesterday afternoon I received an opportunity to grieve a friendship. Sometimes our dreams align with others in the moment, sometimes they don’t, sometimes they never will, while other times maybe life will realign in the future.
My husband was recently told to “not take (it) personally” and that’s impossible when we care. It is personal.
I’ve grieved this relationship today. I didn’t deny my grief. It’s easy to logically come up with reasons that are probably true and may not even have anything to do with me, but the truth is that it hurts and that hurt deserves my nurturing. As I settle into the feeling of grief and leave logic out of it for moments, I can feel life’s flow moving again. If/when this person has space for me again, I’ll check in with where I am in my life and whether or not there’s space for this person in my life at the time. After all, I have an equal say in this too. I have a responsibility to myself to make a choice that celebrates what I want for myself right now.
We underestimate the value of grieving and we encourage people not to grieve by telling them to just let it go, just move on, don’t cry, just forgive, etc. Why? Because it’s uncomfortable. Grieving is difficult and essential to life’s flow.
In the flow of life, things don’t stay the same even for one moment and this moment moves forward too.
With life, sometimes we have to let go so that there is space for what we want in this moment. Sometimes we hold on. If we hold on to wanting something to be different when it’s not a part of life’s flow right now and we don’t allow ourselves to grieve it, we limit our space for life.
Lisa Pratt, February 2021
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