Welcome to 2021! I hope this finds you well and that this year treats you well.
Have you set any resolutions for this year?
I don't know that I've actually set resolutions, but I continue to look for ways in which I can be a better person.
One of the areas I'm working on right now is in stating how I feel instead of acting it out in the hopes that someone will 'get it'. This is a tough one for me. Our world doesn't teach us that this is acceptable and we can be shamed for stating exactly how we feel (especially if it is anything other than happy or grateful).
It can be difficult to state how we feel to someone who isn't safe and, there are times that people certainly don't deserve to know something so personal to ourselves. Telling someone how we feel can leave us feeling powerless against someone who may use it against us.
A very recent situation that my husband and I have encountered has brought me back to feelings of powerlessness as a child living with my parents. I've found myself going into my mind to figure out what this person's next step may be - just like I needed to do in childhood. As a child it was exhausting and I hated it, but it kept me safe. As an adult, I now have empathy for myself as a child and I also value that I now have more options to choose from.
Each of us has learned a different way to view what safety may be for us. As we look at our current nation over the past two days, it's very obvious that each of us can view safety differently.
Today two things have shown up for me as reminders of what I want for myself currently: 1) A person online shared that we aren't looking to change or deny what we do (our learned patterns or ways). We're looking to learn new ways, to give ourselves different outcomes than we had before and, to have new experiences. 2) As I was riding my indoor bike today and following an online app, the instructor shared that our energy goes to where we put it.
If I want my energy to go to what I want for myself now, it's about choosing to put my energy to now instead of the past as a way to try and break it. It’s easy to say, but sometimes not so easy to do. We can acknowledge our past while also learning something new today. As I set goals or resolutions for myself, it may be easiest in reminding myself that it's not stopping what I'm currently doing (because that's where my energy would stop). Instead, it's about learning new and applying that. Life can be a continuation of what we've learned instead of always going back and trying to stop what we did before.
We each have the ability to make choices. Our life becomes free when we choose to stop before following through on a choice and asking ourselves if this is the choice we want to follow through on and own that choice or make another choice and own it.
I could choose to continue down my learned pattern of what I would have done in the past when someone didn't treat me well. But, I choose to learn a new choice now... giving myself a different outcome than before by feeling into my grief (which includes anger) while also accepting the support my husband and with those who will joyously share with us in the haven of our new adventure.
As my husband and I were eating lunch today, he asked me if I was feeling more creative now that we've moved. I told him I am, but in a different way than I may have thought. I don't have a desire to paint a masterpiece, but I do feel like I have more internal "room" available so that I can think more clearly, ground myself more easily into where I am now, and remember tools that I've learned beyond childhood.
I think creativity is huge when trying to make changes. Sometimes our gut and heart may be calling out to us to move somewhere where we can feel free.
Changing where I live doesn't mean that every change I want to make magically happens, but I believe that we each "belong somewhere we feel free" (Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers). For each of us, feeling free is different. But, when we find safety that allows us to be "free", it opens us up so that we have more "internal" ability to be creative.
Creativity needs space to be free in order for it to happen. Creativity needs intuition that is free to explore instead of shaming ourselves when we can't stop doing what we've always done before or only looking out for danger. If we don't have the internal space available, creativity is just stuck (and turns into anger and depression).
How can you create space today?
Lisa Pratt, janu
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