Emotions can be scary for us as humans. They are so scary for us that we don't even know what to do with them. We repress them until we become so full of them that we explode in unhealthy ways (mentally, physically, or emotionally). Spiritualism and yoga teaches us that we must always be only happy while other teachings of the world tell us to fear happiness.
The other day as I was riding my indoor bike, the person on the app I was following talked about a fear of happiness. I thought, "yes, that is true for me right now". What that brought to mind was my childhood while living with parents who taught to never try anything unless you did it perfectly the very first time and to hold back on showing happiness because happiness meant that something harmful would always follow. I think of times as a child when I was running happily through my parent's church and being scolded for running in "God's house" because this was disrespectful. It still baffles my mind that people believe in a God who would punish happiness and joy in its own house.
I am baffled by this dichotomy of one teaching to only experience happiness while the other teaches to never be happy. Where is the healthy teaching of feeling?
As my husband and I are taking a step to make a dream come true, I am sometimes overwhelmed by the feelings I have. I know there is a fear to see these feelings as excitement and so I continue to translate them into "doom" with tiny moments of letting myself experience these feelings as excitement. I also know that there are true feelings of fear that are normal and need to be felt.
While I know that I have a fear of happiness, I know that almost all of us have a fear of any emotion. Spiritualism tell us, "True strength is when you have a lot to cry about, but you choose to smile and take another step forward anyways."
I admit. I am frustrated with a teaching that tells us it's "enlightenment" to not cry and to force a smile instead. In fact, I am frustrated with all of these teachings. Some telling us to not be happy and others telling us to only be happy. But, what about purely experiencing all of our emotions? Why in 2020 are we still belittling our life experience to only a few controlled emotions?
As we start to come to a close of 2020, I see the harm in these teachings. We've taught humans to only control their emotions. If we can't experience them as they are, we're taught to breathe them out, run them out, or forcibly turn them into something else. Now in a world of COVID, many of us are unable to get out and forcibly get these feelings out and, instead, we're inside trying to figure out what to do with them.
A couple of years ago, I started to work on my nervous system and I have found much value in learning how to deal with the uncomfortableness of human emotions. It is difficult to be with our emotions instead of denying them or forcibly changing them. But, I fear how many suicides or how much abuse will happen during the coming holidays and winter since we do not know how to value our feelings and deal with them in a healthy way.
I feel the desire to be creative and I notice how this trapped creative desire is turning into depression as I keep it locked inside. The same as all of our other emotions that we're told will "magically disappear" if we deny them or force them to change into something else.
I search for my answer within me as I know the teachings of the world aren't what I'm looking for. I know my feelings are showing me my way... if only I will show them their deserved respect by listening to them.
Through trusting myself more in experiencing all of these emotions (that are sometimes overwhelming), there's room for me to now get out into nature or get on my indoor bike and experience my emotions instead of utilizing these ways to hope to force something out.
We can't force our emotions out. We can't deny them and think that a smile is going to magically get rid of it. They are still there - piling up and wanting us to give them their deserved attention. There is magic is in the feeling. There is magic in the experience of what it is to be human... feeling.
-- Lisa Pratt, December 2020
Comments
Post a Comment