"Pausing" To Self-Care In The COVID-19 World

Can there possibly be anything positive about living in a COVID-19 World? My answer is YES.

I know... you think I'm insane and you may be ready to stop reading, right? Stop if you need to.  Stopping is good.  Maybe pause and decide to come back a little (or a lot) later (or never).  Or, hang in with me a little longer.  

As we explore this possibility of positivity, pause as you need to... stop when you need to, get angry when you need to, and question when you want to.  Do what you need to do for yourself along the way... this is self-care.

The Positive To The Negative

Right now, most of us feel out of control and uncertain - we are scared and, (for some) anger is leading their fear without giving their fear a rightful chance to say, "Hey, I'm afraid.  Listen to me.  I want to feel safe. Comfort me in a healthy way." When we don't listen to this feeling, anger builds so that we can finally have a release of these accumulated feelings of fear.

Is there something we can do to change our experiences with COVID-19 for ourselves and each other?

In my opinion, yes.  If we choose to see our own selves as the PROBLEM in COVID-19.  How is that positive? Because, when we choose to see ourselves as the problem, it also means we are the SOLUTION to our own problem.  

Choices

When COVID-19 started to become a pandemic, I remember my fear of wondering how humans would choose to respond or react.  I also remember a feeling of calm and hope that this huge happening would finally bring humans together in a healthy way.  For the first time, I had a feeling of possible connection to humans.  Maybe we could all grow from this experience.

My husband has been able to work from home and that has been a great experience for us.  We've been able to get outside to walk or run safely almost every day.  We've paid attention to other humans and how they are dealing with this pandemic.  

As I've watched other humans, I set a goal for myself to come out of a COVID-19 world as a better person.  My husband and I have had many conversations about what it means to "become a better person".

What we've realized is that becoming a better person means growing up... it means maturing emotionally.  It's realizing we can choose to take a pause, feel what we're feeling and be curious about it and, ask ourselves if we want to react to our impulses in the moment.  

Within that pause, has been maturity.  Within that maturity has become a world of more possibilities for us.

(Note:  I view a pause differently than taking a breath... that's for another post, though.)

Finding Safety In Questioning

As a child, I loved to question everything.  Any type of questioning, though, frightened my mom so she shut me down any time I questioned.  What I learned as a child was questioning caused other people to feel uncomfortable and that I needed to shut down in order to not make them feel uncomfortable.  

A positive to a COVID-19 world for me is that I've revisited my love of questioning.  Now, in a safe atmosphere as an adult, I'm once again enjoying it with more confidence and finding that questioning is pivotal to my becoming a better person... to maturing emotionally.

So, if you're ready, I'd like to explore a few questions with you.

I recently heard that our body doesn't know the difference between anxiety or excitement.  Could this be true? I think so.  When I pause to question this, I realize anxiety could be considered "negative" while "excitement" could be considered "positive".  We may try to talk someone out of being anxious while we may try to join them in their excitement.

But, could there be more possibilities than just this?

Is it possible there could be more to the way we've been taught about the words "positive" and "negative"? Why do we want to keep things so "black and white"... so neatly tucked into two distinct categories? Because that's what feels safe for us.

When we think of positive, it's because we feel safe... it feels comfortable.

When we think of negative, it's because we feel unsafe... it feels uncomfortable.

An Invitation to PAUSE

I invite you to PAUSE for a moment.  Then bring to mind anything you've been told in the past that may have been said as being helpful.  For instance, being told, "shhh... don't cry." Pause and feel being told to be quiet and not cry when you want to cry.  Pause again and consider asking yourself, "Is it possible that teaching humans to not cry when we are in pain is not helpful?" 

How did it feel for you to question something we've all be taught as a standard "right" way? What feelings came up? What sensations did you feel in your body?

Wow, a lot happened in that pause, didn't it?

Is it possible that everything we're told is positive can also be negative? 

So, how could a feeling be more than "black or white"? More than "negative" or "positive"?

The difference may be in pausing ourselves in that feeling/sensation, feeling it in its uncomfortableness, exploring it with curiosity, and making a choice in that pause. In this pause, you're already more empowered.  YOU paused and YOU made the choice.  YOU matured emotionally.

In this pause you trusted yourself and, the "what ifs" of not trusting yourself to handle what is happening (anxiety) became more of an excitement through trusting yourself to handle whatever life brings.

How Can COVID-19 Bring Us Together?

With COVID-19, we've all been broken wide open and none of us are hiding who we are any longer.  COVID-19 has given all of us a chance to take a look at ourselves and say, "(This) is where I am (emotionally)."

We are in a collective grief.  But, we aren't recognizing it for what it is - we aren't valuing our grief and how this can bring us together, if only we would pause.

If only we would PAUSE to realize that, in grief, we generally come together to support and comfort each other instead of do harm to ourselves and each other.

When we are in grief, our emotions and feelings aren't as easily able to be described - they often meld together to a place of almost non-feeling.  Allowing ourselves to pause in that mass of feelings (or non-feelings) is healthy self-care. 

Note:  The seven stages of grief are:

1. Shock and denial (a state of disbelief and numbed feelings)
2. Pain and guilt
3. Anger and bargaining
4. Depression
5. The upward turn
6. Reconstruction and working through
7. Acceptance and Hope

It's All In The Pause

It's my opinion that we are experiencing the "negative" side of teaching humans to believe that our answers are outside of ourselves.  With this type of teaching, we've learned to disconnect from and not trust our feelings (including our morals and values) and, to not trust ourselves.  We only know how to trust other people, a god, or signs.

Now, more than ever in our lifetime, it's important to learn how to mature emotionally.

Now, more than ever in our lifetime, we need to learn HEALTHY self-care.

Now, more than ever in our lifetime, we need to PAUSE.

When we PAUSE, we question and wait for our answer.

When we PAUSE, we can question our impulses and we decide whether to act on them or not.

When we PAUSE, we self-care.

When we PAUSE, something amazing happens - we start to mature emotionally.

When we mature emotionally, our world expands.

When we PAUSE to question our impulses and, we learn we can say no to them allowing us to self-care in a healthy way, our world can once again open up from COVID-19.  There would be no more shutting down of businesses and more jobs can be saved.  

When we have people fighting for their "rights" to purposely do harm to others, we have a spoiled-rotten problem that needs a PAUSE.

When we PAUSE, we can be the SOLUTION instead of the problem.

All in a PAUSE.

Reaching Out

I would venture to say that we're all attempting to self-care right now.  Taking that PAUSE will help us in deciding whether it's harmful self-care or helpful self-care.  When we are learning how to self-care in a new way, we often separate ourselves from others.  Sometimes that's healthy and necessary, while other times we may need to reach other to others.

PAUSE.  Take a moment for yourself.  

In that PAUSE, you had a moment of healthy self-care.

-- Lisa  Pratt, November 2020