The Space for Creativity
A new car commercial has been playing quite a bit lately. In the commercial, it's suggested that we listen to what we don't want so that we can make room for knowing what we do want. I found that intriguing... instead of using our internal space to push away what we don't want, we listen to it and find what we do want.
To be creative in our lives, we need (internal and external) space. With clutter of feelings or thoughts that we refuse to listen to, there isn't enough space to hear and feel what we do want.
With COVID-19, it seems that so much has changed and, with unknown change, comes the desire for answers.
As my husband and I are taking a next step in our lives together, I find myself in moments of hope, hopelessness, stress, certainty, excitement, fear, and anxiety - all of these amazing feelings with a constant undertone of, "I know this will all come together because it always does for us". Still, all of these feelings deserve my acknowledgment and safety. As I talk with my husband about my feelings, he tells me how he sees this as a next adventure in our lives instead of something to only fear. I still have more to learn from him.
It's fascinating that when I feel hopelessness or lack of control, my automatic "go-to" has been in desperately asking something outside of myself to "show me my way". As I'm going through the process of this next step in our lives together, I'm finding that I am willing to "pause", to be more curious about my internal experiences and, to listen to these feelings instead of pushing them down or continuing to call out to something else. As I experience this dance of internal and external with curiosity, I'm finding that I don't need clear answers as to why or what may or may not be. I can listen to my feelings and trust myself.
As I laid awake the other night reflecting on myself in relationships, I started thinking about my automatic need to call out to something in, what could be described as, prayer. As I merged my thoughts on relationships and prayer, I found myself wondering whether the way I "pray" is also the type of person I am in my relationships. If all I do in relationships is call out when I have a need or only answer when they have a need, there doesn't seem to be much room for a creative relationship that can grow.
If I notice how I pray, does it show me my role in relationships?
"Prayer as Creativity"
As my husband and I recently watched a television show in which someone was talking about their process of creativity as prayer (shutting out the outside world and spending time by themselves as they immersed themselves fully in this process), this furthered my thoughts on internally finding my answers.
I've spent most of my life exploring and questioning the larger teachings of the world (including: religion, spiritualism, and yoga, etc.) At each turn, none of these fit who I am. I continued to question and I continued to pay attention to my feelings of why these teachings didn't fit me. At each turn of not finding myself, I was finding even more of myself.
Now I wonder if looking to my own internal feelings gives me more space for creativity. I also wonder if I close down that creative space when calling out to fix a need instead of trusting myself to be able to "pause". In trusting myself, I can become more creative - finding my answers in that space within myself.
As I step into a new way of living, and as I ponder a new way of prayer as a way to connect to creativity through my feelings, for the first time in my life I find that my answers are less chaotic and more appealing.
To find my answers, I look to myself. I pray.
-- Lisa Pratt, October 2020
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