These Days
It's been awhile since I checked in with everyone. How is everyone doing?
A few weeks ago, all of our lives (collectively) changed... no one is alone - we are all in this together. Life has changed or, at least, I hope humans will make the choice to change. We seem to have hit a "resistance" point this week, which means that we each have a choice to make: to become better, to stay stuck, or to become worse.
I have found myself depressed during the last few weeks. In reading about grief over the past couple of weeks, I'm finding that I have been in grief most of my life - it is time for me to mourn. I have felt lonely. Not because of being "locked in", but because I feel so alone as a human who wants to do better and who is constantly striving to be better.
I become depressed when I see humans who are unwilling to take this opportunity to become better by being unwilling to do a couple of things that are asked of us: social distance except for those in our own home and wearing masks. I am filled with gratitude when I see the humans who are willing to show their support for each other. Wearing masks and social distancing are two ways that we can show our support for each other right now.
People will use their energy to debate over whether or not these two things will prevent illness and, some people do not care (even about their own safety). While taking precautions against the virus are important, the more important aspect of doing these two things is to show our support to each other and to show that we care about each other. Many are showing their support for each other while there are far too many who won't.
I become depressed when I see humans who are unwilling to take this opportunity to become better by being unwilling to do a couple of things that are asked of us: social distance except for those in our own home and wearing masks. I am filled with gratitude when I see the humans who are willing to show their support for each other. Wearing masks and social distancing are two ways that we can show our support for each other right now.
People will use their energy to debate over whether or not these two things will prevent illness and, some people do not care (even about their own safety). While taking precautions against the virus are important, the more important aspect of doing these two things is to show our support to each other and to show that we care about each other. Many are showing their support for each other while there are far too many who won't.
My depression over humans who refuse to do better isn't new for me. I remember as a little kid looking at the adults around me and feeling sad that adults were making a choice to stay stuck and to not do better. Feeling lonely isn't new for me.
We're often told that people are doing the best that they can, but I don't believe any of us are ever doing the best that we can. I believe that we can ALWAYS find a way to do better. I'm not sure why some people choose to tell us this. Maybe they think it's a way to make us feel better or maybe they are the ones refusing to do better and they don't want to change.
When the pandemic started, I made a defined goal to come out of this a better person. In doing that, I have been feeling my grief and talking about it with those I trust. I am also continuing with my other goal in 2020... questioning everything. In questioning, I wonder whether those unwilling to show their support are the majority or the minority of humans. I remind myself that the smallest group is often the loudest group (and the most afraid) so I need to question those who are the loudest - those who are the bullies.
The sadness overcomes me when I step into my wish (and hope) that humans will choose to do better, especially when given opportunities. I'm no longer fighting against the grief I've held in during my lifetime. Instead, I'm choosing to take this opportunity to step into it and to feel it all. In moving into my grief, I find moments of acceptance.
The sadness overcomes me when I step into my wish (and hope) that humans will choose to do better, especially when given opportunities. I'm no longer fighting against the grief I've held in during my lifetime. Instead, I'm choosing to take this opportunity to step into it and to feel it all. In moving into my grief, I find moments of acceptance.
In order to become better, we must step into our collective grief - we must feel it instead of denying it. We must support each other and step into our grief together.
As humans, we continue to teach that feelings are shameful and I feel so alone in the belief that this is so unhealthy and harmful. Surely, we can do better than this. I am FED UP with the teachings that tell us that being anything other than happy all of the time is shameful. What many describe as "happiness" is actually dissociation from emotions. When we can grow to the place of no longer shaming emotions, we can then experience them in a healthy way.
True happiness is the experience of ALL emotions - it's the moments of acceptance, non-acceptance, anger, frustration, sadness, joy, denial, depression, etc. By telling people to not accept their authentic feelings of anger, depression, joy, disappointment, etc., we are denying the opportunity to support another person in their grief.
So, maybe I am living in true happiness as I experience all of the emotions I have right now... gratitude for a safe place to live with an amazing husband who I love being with and who safely allows me to share; appreciation for my husband's accomplishments so that he can continue to provide for us; thankful for food and medication; fear of the unknown and whether humans will decide to be better; joy in getting out to walk every day with my husband; sadness at the humans I see around me; appreciation for humans that I see around me and, acceptance.
I hope you are taking the time to care for yourself during this time. In caring for yourself (even through social distancing and wearing a mask), you can also naturally care for others around you.
Feel into your feelings as much or as little as you can. Humans are complex with many different emotions all at one time so feeling into all of them at one time can sometimes become overwhelming. Find a safe outlet (writing, walking, talking to someone).
Feel into your feelings as much or as little as you can. Humans are complex with many different emotions all at one time so feeling into all of them at one time can sometimes become overwhelming. Find a safe outlet (writing, walking, talking to someone).
-- Lisa Pratt, April 2020
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