Who out there is a runner? Who hears the word "running" and you come to life? Who hears the word "running" and absolutely shudders?
Our world loves to run. Some in the way that I am describing in most of this blog post, but most of our world seems to be running from something and really has no idea why they can't allow themselves to just stop and take in life - to LIVE life. We're told to be "mindful" and to breathe, but that isn't easy when we're still moving our way through survival energy.
The energy of our world seems to be spent on running from or to something that really isn't important or necessary any more, but we still have that survival energy/brain that is embedded in our DNA. That DNA tells us to keep running even though we know there is no actual tiger there any more. We believe that we have no choice. Since we don't have the tiger chasing us, we put that survival energy into running around aimlessly at Christmastime or taking our kids to countless activities. There's never enough energy to sit and be at ease since we're using it all to survive.
So, what can we do with that survival energy if there is no tiger there? Good question.
The truth is, we each only have a certain amount of energy. If we want to live a life that we enjoy, it probably requires us to stop. Scary, right? If we don't have the energy to live the life we want to live, at some point we're probably going to have to examine our lives - our choices. We're going to have to FEEL. Whoa, even scarier than stopping, right? We'll need to ask - What or who is sucking us dry and taking the energy that we need to live the life we want to be living? One of the hardest questions is - What or who needs to go from our lives?
Our world rewards those who go until they drop. We're told we're lazy if we're living a balanced life of ease and joyful movement. What we may not realize is that our world's need to always be on the go is trauma and survival energy pushing us forward and never letting us stop. We're running from shame.
When Brian and I moved to Colorado a few years ago, it was easy to get into (recreational) running. It's a state in which most people are outside being active every day and so it just feels natural - you feel the call of being active and you want to answer that call.
I stopped running about a year ago when diabetes + blood sugars became too stressful. All of my energy needed to go into worrying about my blood sugars or constantly caring for them and that left no energy to enjoy simply being outside and moving joyfully. During that time, I would need to have an extremely high blood sugar before starting a run so that I wouldn't completely bottom out within a few minutes. I felt horrible and I was stressed out.
Quite a lot has changed for us in the last four months. We changed the way we are eating and this has given me freedom in my life that I've never had with diabetes before. My latest visit to my endocrinologist had the best A1c of my entire 31 years of diabetes.
After waiting two years for insurance to cover a new insulin pump, I finally received a new pump in November. This is starting to give me even more freedom through reliability and, like my husband said, I now have a pump that is doing the work that I've been having to do myself for years. This means even less work for me and more energy that I can put into my life. (This new pump will automatically stop giving me insulin when I start to trend too low (or I am too low) and will automatically restart when I start to trend back up again. Sometime this month there is expected to be a upload that will give me more insulin when I'm trending too high.)
I now have energy that I can give to something I enjoy (like running, hiking or resting) instead of having to worry or constantly care for diabetes. Obviously, I still have "diabetic days", but they are less often now and I'm able to bounce back more quickly.
I was able to start back to running today and it was great. I started with a blood sugar of 97 and ended at 105 (seen above). Now an hour-and-a-half after stopping, I am back to 90 (with a couple of insulin suspensions) (picture below). Amazing!
When Brian got home from his run, he hugged me and we celebrated. It was very emotional for me to realize that I can start to put my energy into what I want in my life instead of fighting what I don't want.
It doesn't matter what it is in our life, if we are needing to give our energy to other things instead of being able to enjoy life, we are limited. Sometimes we need to make changes (like how we're eating) and sometimes we need other things/people to come in and help (like a new pump) so that we can free up that energy of worrying and put that toward what we love to do.
Is there anything in your life that is taking your energy and keeping you from doing something that you love or want to start? Is there any way to free yourself from that energy sucker at this moment? If not, is there one small step that you can take to getting there? Or, maybe you just want to sit with the possibly today and see where it may lead you.
Lisa Pratt, January 2020
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